Unfolding Dubiety

 I am at a very weird age. im at a very weird age of 18. i've tried almost everything ive wanted to try since i was young. im turning 19 next month. i've gotten drunk, ive gotten tipsy, i've done things in life, ive met a variety of people, ive met a variety of versions of myself. I've spoken to horrible people, I've spoken to lovely people. I've experienced freedom, ive experienced restriction within myself. ive acted out and ive stayed in. im not sure where im going with this. im just trying to imply that i have lived and i have loved. even though there's alot more for me to experience with life right now, especially in the romantic area, im still really glad and grateful that i got to experience the things that i have. i have loved friends i love family i have experienced music i have devoured silence i have been loud and quiet. All in all i am where im supposed to be. even though theres alot of academic and structural knowledge that im meant/yet to acqui...

Female Angst at 4 am The way my mind works should not be a mystery to anyone but myself. Something is a mystery when you want to understand it, when it excites you to want to control it. I am a woman and I am not a mystery for someone else to solve but myself. I do not wish to be bound by others perception of me, I do not wish to be bound by my desire for their validation. I am a woman and not a puzzle to be put together by someone else while I watch them move me into the pieces I'm “supposed” to be kept in, being preached of how soon I will be a “whole” by the same ones who tore me apart to weaken. I am a woman I am already fulfilled, I am a woman I am not for you to seal. I do not wish to love the way they see love or live the way they see me do it. I am a woman I am not your puppet, I am a woman but I am not that stupid. I do not wish to be told how to love, who to live with, what to eat or who to preach. I do not wish to be kept in a box with your sharp corners of extreme edges...

  I am currently 16. In 12th grade, I'll be going to college soon. Growing up is something that I hadn't really thought about until it actually started massively affecting me.  I have to make what feels like the biggest decision of my life which would probably affect where I go from here and how I end up living and perceiving life itself.  Just the idea of moving out of my parents’ house- not having everything handed to me and having to become an actual independent adult is scary enough for me to feel frozen and absolutely helpless. I have spent the majority of my high school life in my bedroom and making this big of a change right after the highest form of stagnation I have experienced until now is making the questions in my head multiply with the same speed as the cells in my body. What if I don't choose the right subjects? What if I don't get into my dream college? What if I am extremely unhappy when I'm older? It feels Like I am being blindfoldedly asked to jump...